Mental Floss teaches me something new every day. Today it was about Alec Guinness and Grace Kelly.  They costarred in 1956′s “The Swan,” and during filming, Guinness was given a tomahawk as a gift from a local Native American. He hid it in Kelly’s bed. Solid prank.

But instead of laughing it off, Kelly said nothing about the prank and kept the tomahawk. One random night, years later, Guinness came home to find it in the sheets of his own bed.

Here’s Mental Floss:

A few more years passed before it was announced that Grace Kelly would be doing a tour of poetry readings in the US with the actor John Westbrook. Guinness didn’t know Westbrook, but arranged for a mutual friend to ask for his help, and then deliver the tomahawk to him, which was placed in Grace’s bed once more. She gave no sign of having found it there, but only asked Westbrook in passing if he had ever met Alec Guinness, to which he could truthfully reply that he hadn’t.

In 1979 the tomahawk reappeared once more, in Guinness’ bed in the Beverly Wilshire hotel, California, after he received an honorary Oscar at the Academy Awards ceremony. Kelly didn’t attend the ceremony, and how the tomahawk found its way back to him on that occasion remains a mystery.

Guinness got the last laugh, burying it in her suitcase under her lingerie in the early ’80s and provoking a “satisfying scream.”

In ’82, Kelly died in a car accident, and the story ends there.

Matt: I’d really love to start a two-piece surf funk band with you called Happy Birthday, Randall Cunningham and never explain it.

Max: You had me at surf funk.  

Max: Dude, if you’re in a band and “surf” is any part of the genre, you can literally name it anything.

Desk Gum
Trash Cannibals
Sunkist Omega Cyborgs
The Tom Cobblers
The Laundry Boys
Psychic Groundhogs
Sandy Mann and the Sleep Tights^a
The Thirsty Hampton
Funk Drawer
Gloves
The Holy Shoelace Brigade
King Crust
The Earlobe Massacre
Megaphone Sex Line
The Crass Magicians^b
Fly Swatter
SWARM!
Clip Skippers
Softball
Heavy Sand Castle

Coming to a music festival near you.

More band names I made up.

What’s the first song that drove you to memorize its lyrics?  

As a little kid, I remember being obsessed with song lyrics — “We Didn’t Start The Fire,” especially. I used to put Billy Joel’s greatest hits on my stereo and lay on my waterbed, following the lyrics in the liner notes of his box set. Each pithy snippet represented whole chapters of world history I had yet to explore. I was just impressed he could make everything rhyme.

Then came “End Of The World” by REM; Sawyer Brown’s cover of “The Race Is On” and “Sold” by John Michael Montgomery. The superfast bridge in “Our House” by Madness. I loved it all.

It took me a long time to realize that less was more. Reading Hemingway the summer before 8th grade was probably what irrevocably convinced me. But until then, I was pretty sure that more complicated lyrics meant better songs.

As my dad pointed out, “One Week” by Barenaked Ladies was the most popular song in America at the time. Can you blame me?

I asked some friends about their own first lyrical conquest. Here are their responses:

Camille Lieurance

Credentials: Has been absolutely fiery with her music recs lately; is currently driving up to Sasquatch, the No. 1 place in the world I want to be this weekend; once told me she thought she was the only one who knew Sam Cooke, thus endearing me to her with a reflection of my own brand of music knowledge and subtle superiority.

“ABC by Jackson 5.

“Or actually no. Britney Spears’ ‘Oops, I Did It Again.’”

Dustin Klemann

Credentials: Was the first friend whose music tastes I truly respected and emulated; briefly convinced me that Good Shoes was going to be the biggest band of 2013; introduced me to mashups, which blew the back of my skull out onto my car’s back windshield like Marvin in Pulp Fiction.

“On solid repeat? Cake – The Distance. “

Max Richter

Credentials: Shares with me a deep-rooted love of Britpop; kicked off one thousand drunken nights by listening to the same 16-song CD that really just doesn’t have the staying power we pretend it does; actually played music for, like, crowds of people, which has to count for something, right?

“Like pop song? Or dumb school recital song?

“‘Here We Go’ by NSYNC I’m pretty sure.”

Vinny Vella

Credentials: Once almost attended a free Counting Crows show in Philadelphia with me – almost; was right next to me at one of the three best concerts I’ve ever seen in my life, Bruce at Hershey Park; posts a deadline decompression song on his Facebook after especially rough days covering Philly’s mean streets.

“All The Small Things by Blink“

Russell Walks

Credentials: Pretty much the wellspring of my musical tastes; taught me the Beatles and Bowie and Bruce and Billy and Buffett and a thousand other worlds of sound and story; stays hip by listening to the VIRAL HITS playlist on Spotify, for some reason.

“So, like, looked them up, or paid attention to? Not just sort of learned by osmosis? “She Loves You” in German.

“Then, the lyrics to Suicide is Painless (The theme to MASH) Then Duran, then Buffett.

“The first song that really affected me, lyric-wise, was “Meeting Across The River.” I could not believe that someone wrote that and set it to music. holy crap. Thinking about discovering Bruce gives me goosebumps, even now.”

McKenna Brown

Credentials: Spent hundreds of days sharing Emerald newsroom DJ duties with me, often putting up with DJ Fresh or George Strait; was right next to me at one of the three best concerts I’ve ever seen in my life, Bruce at the Rose Garden; actually saw Paul McCartney and Bruce together at Hyde Park, which will top anything I write from this point forward, so I might as well just stop writing right here.

“This is so embarrassing. And I had to look it up.

“But it was ‘I Need To Know’ by R Angels from the ‘Stuart Little’ soundtrack. :/

“Laura Addy and I played the music video over and over and over and over until we had the whole thing memorized.”

In roughly six months, we will all be treated to Spectre, a movie whose runtime I may have already surpassed in trailer viewings. ^a

Will it be better than Skyfall? I think so, although the reports leaking out about the script’s disastrous rewrites sort of dampen my spirit. Regardless, in the run up to the November 6 release date, more blogs than I can count on my fingers and toes will offer THE DEFINITIVE BOND MOVIE RANKINGS.

So I’m beating them to it.

No explanation^b, no context and no shame when it comes to thinking with my heart and not my head.

1.  Casino Royale
2.  From Russia With Love
3.  Goldfinger
4.  Live and Let Die
5.  Skyfall
6.  Dr. No
7.  GoldenEye
8.  Thunderball
9.  On Her Majesty’s Secret Service
10.  The Living Daylights
11.  Quantum of Solace
12.  You Only Live Twice
13.  The World Is Not Enough
14.  The Spy Who Loved Me
15.  Tomorrow Never Dies
16.  The Man With The Golden Gun
17.  Diamonds Are Forever
18.  License To Kill
19.  For Your Eyes Only
20.  Die Another Day
21.  A View To A Kill
22.  Moonraker
23.  Octopussy

Update: Ben and AJ, my friends in Bond, had this to say:

AJ: I am happy to see OHMSS so high up on the list. Surprised License To Kill and Quantum aren’t lower – personal feeling, Quantum is bottom five. I think you know my feelings on Casino Royale. The only other major disagreement I have is with Tomorrow Never Dies. i think that movie is often criminally underrated.

Ben: Not very much. I think GoldenEye and Tomorrow Never Dies should be generally higher. OHMSS probably should be lower, but I’ve never finished it. Casino is just so, so good. So good.

Dads know.  

“I actually don’t even drink soda anymore, Dad. For one thing, it tastes awful to me. So sticky and oversweetened. Like candy tar. And I can’t get that mental image out of my head of it just pouring down my throat to make a black, bubbling acid pit in my stomach. Once you have that image in your brain, I don’t even see how soda is drinkable. I guess it means I’m growing up — that I’m starting to take a little more pride in being healthy and watching what I eat and drink. You should think about giving up soda too.”

“Yeah, all that makes sense, especially considering the 20 beers you pour in your body every weekend.”

Annnd checkmate.

Who is the most dominant athlete in the world right now?   

Ronda Rousey is on the cover of this week’s Sports Illustrated under the headline “World’s Most Dominant Athlete.” I wanted my friends’ opinion on the matter. I asked six friends who know and love sports.

Here are their responses:

Allie Burger

Credentials: Works for the Worldwide Leader in L.A., meaning she gets the coveted “ESPN” designation in the Company section of my iPhone’s contact card. Dominated the student sports media scene in Eugene. Was smart enough to combine working for ESPN with the California sunshine, which I apparently couldn’t figure out.

“Based on public opinion or talent level? LeBron, Neymar.“

“If it’s the world, Neymar. As unexciting as that is domestically. Especially right now with UEFA and Copa del Rey. I mean, it’s not a super popular answer, especially considering that most people think Messi and Ronaldo are better. But at this moment, his play is dominant, I think.

“I wouldn’t say Mayweather for obvious reasons.”

Lucas Edmands

Credentials: Might be the most intelligent person who actually believes Tom Brady is innocent. Doesn’t let living in Oregon stop him from appropriating Masshole culture. Commissioner of the first fantasy football league that let me invite my girlfriend to join. (That might be a strike against him?)

“Kelly Slater.

“The dude’s insane! He’s 20+ years into his career and still beating kids that are young enough to actually be his kids. Usain Bolt should be in that discussion, too. “

Josh Roth

Credentials: Works for the NL East-leading (!!!) New York Mets. As devoted an Oregon Duck fan as you will find east of the Mississippi. Once had a 95-minute conversation with me about the relative talents of Dillon Gee and Jacob deGrom.

“Ronda Rousey. No one dominates a sport like her. It would be like if Kentucky was up 25 on Wisconsin five minutes into the game.”

Chad Delaney

Credentials: Actually played D-I sports, which is more than anyone else whose appeared in this space can say. Works for Nike. Has probably forgotten more about personal training and what it takes to be a legitimate athlete than I will ever learn.

“Are you hinting at the Ronda Rousey article?

“She is compelling. I’d say her, Floyd, maybe Ashton Eaton. She beats a good portion of her opponents in less than a minute.

“I wish I knew more about water polo, cricket, track, rugby, and even bowling. Then I could give you a better answer.”

Christian Caccamise

Credentials: Has lived a long, tortuous life as a Buffalo fan. Gamed Madden by converting fictional Jimmy Garappolo into a monstrous 100x Super Bowl-winning quarterback, thus ensuring that Jimmy G does exactly that in real life when he replaces Brady this season.

“Hmm. I don’t like the Ronda Rousey argument. How bout we get some competition in women’s UFC… LeBron half-asses it too much lately. No football players because there are four great QBs^a and A.P. is old. I don’t know, man. I don’t know baseball, but I’d have to say Jon Jones until he loses.

“[Ronda is like Oscar Robertson beating up little white guys. Jones got his title stripped, but that doesn’t mean he’s not the best. Plus, he has real competition. Messi might be right, but I haven’t ever actually watched him, so I can’t say.”

Mark Kern

Credentials: Sports producer at Cleveland.com. Ran a mean sports desk at K-State and a meaner beer pong table. Currently forced to watch his Bulls fill their own feet with bullets against LeBron and the Cavs while living in Cleveland.

“Rousey. Without a second thought too. I’ve been saying that for a year.

I just ordered her book. She is my second favorite athlete to watch after Westbrook. People don’t like her because she isn’t scared to say what’s on her mind, but the UFC needs her. With Silva failing drug tests and Jon Jones’ problems, Rousey is the superstar in the sport.”

Watched this three times in a row already. Headed back for No. 4.

The Moped Diaries:

Remember that Spotify playlist I posted last week? The one that consisted of only girls’ first names?  C found its brilliant counterpoint.

In 2013, Esme Patterson released “Woman To Woman,” a collection of seven songs intended as rebuttals to songs named after women. Just like my playlist.

Here’s the genesis:

“I was sitting in a hotel room in Spearfish, S.D., learning to play a Townes Van Zandt tune called “Loretta,” and as I was singing the words, I started to get angry. I started thinking about how one-sided and subjective a lot of ‘love songs’ are, and how a lot of women immortalized in songs might tell a different side of the story if anyone ever asked.”

In another interview I read, she specifically brings up a famous line from “Alison” by Elvis Costello: “I don’t know if you’ve been loving somebody / I only know it isn’t mine.”

In all the times I’ve heard that song, I’ve understood it as a pun. Like, “I don’t know if you’ve been loving somebody; I only know it isn’t my body.” Sort of like, If I said you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?

She interpreted “it isn’t mine” as Alison’s baby. I’m not going to do anymore research on this because no good can come from it. Either Esme or Elvis is less clever than I thought they were. I doubt it’s Elvis.

Anyway, here’s the full track listing and her reference material.

1. Valentine
(Elvis Costello – ‘Alison’)

2. Never Chase A Man
(Dolly Parton – ‘Jolene’)

3. Tumbleweed
(Townes Van Zandt – ‘Loretta’)

4. The Glow
(The Beach Boys – ‘Caroline, No’)

5. Bluebird
(The Beatles – ‘Eleanor Rigby’)

6. Louder Than the Sound
(The Band – ‘Evangeline’)

7. A Dream
(Leadbelly – ‘Goodnight Irene’)

Been going through a little Norman Mailer phase. I read his dispatches from the Rumble In The Jungle to get pumped for Mayweather/Pacquaio, and now that has bled into The Executioner’s Song and The Naked and the Dead.  

Today I found a Mailer edition of the Paris Review’s Art Of Fiction, and that may just be the most pretentious sentence I’ve ever typed. It’s from 2007, the year Mailer died. Here are my favorite excerpts:

On Hemingway’s style

He’s a trap. If you’re not careful you end up writing like him. It’s very dangerous to write like Hemingway, but on the other hand it’s almost like a rite of passage. I almost wouldn’t trust a young novelist—I won’t speak for the women here, but for a male novelist—who doesn’t imitate Hemingway in his youth. 

On his theory of Hemingway’s suicide

I came up with a thesis: Hemingway had learned early in life that the closer he came to daring death the healthier it was for him. He saw that as the great medicine, to dare to engage in a nearness to death. And so I had this notion that night after night when he was alone, after he said goodnight to Mary, Hemingway would go to his bedroom and he’d put his thumb on the shotgun trigger and put the barrel in his mouth and squeeze down on the trigger a little bit, and—trembling, shaking—he’d try to see how close he could come without having the thing go off. On the final night he went too far. That to me made more sense than him just deciding to blow it all to bits. However, it’s nothing but a theory. The fact of the matter is that Hemingway committed suicide. 

(God, that gives me the chills.)

On reputations

If you’ve been in five — say, five — fights in your life, the public sees it as fifty fights or one hundred and fifty. 

On competitiveness

What’s not understood sufficiently about novelists is how competitive we all are. We’re as competitive as star athletes. Particularly the ones who break through into public renown. And we don’t say, Oh, what do you all have to be so envious of each other for? Isn’t it enough that we’re all talented? Why can’t we just enjoy each other? It doesn’t work that way. We’re competitive. You can’t say to athletes, What are you all competitive for? Isn’t it marvelous that you can catch a football with great ease and run quickly? Why do you have to be in competition with the other men? Anyone who talks like that is the silliest sort of liberal.