First, they came for Leno, and I did not speak out — Because Leno sucks.

Then, they came for Conan, and I did not speak out—Because Conan had that job for, like, six seconds.

Then, they came for Pete Holmes, and I did not speak out—Because I think I’m the only one who watched that show.

Then, they came for Colbert, and I did not speak out—Because I was weeping uncontrollably.

Now, they have come for Stewart, and I say nothing—Because I just realized he’s Jewish, and this is an extended Holocaust allusion, and I am embarrassed.